After several weeks of planning, my move from Berlin to my hometown Merseburg, a stay of several weeks in Brazil on our dog farm and subsequent mandatory quarantine, I'm now back to reality. Am I? There are two very different worlds, one here in Germany, in the "safe system" in which people are often angry about (for me) things that are often insignificant. At least when it comes to bare survival, like on our current dog farm. And then the world in the dog yard, where grateful eyes await you at every corner, although you constantly have the feeling that you are not doing enough for your best friends, although you constantly have the feeling that you are letting them down when I have to go back to Germany to work out the maintenance for everyone ...
Due to some donations and the money that I have put aside for months, we were able to at least buy a safe and appropriate car, which ultimately cost a little more money than I had previously calculated. But unfortunately it was absolutely necessary. It will help us a lot in many things, but I have the feeling that other aspects on our dog farm had to suffer from it for the time being. We live on an extremely fine, sensitive line. Running and maintaining the farm as a private individual, alone, is stressful and wrapped in daily worries.
After 7 weeks on the farm in my new place to stay in Merseburg, I ended up in what felt like -nothing. Before I left for Brazil, I was only able to move into the new apartment and furnish it poorly and quickly; I still don't have a permanent job that can neither secure the survival in the dog shelter nor my own. Even if I was able to get several interviews for a job in the first 3 weeks back in Germany, even if there is now a chance of success, but there is still this bad feeling of having to live on the very back burner. There are still no concrete pictures that allow further planning. So far there have only been pictures of rising prices in all corners of daily needs here, as well as in Brazil. The euro-to-real exchange rate has turned terribly to our disadvantage, and worries are currently threatening to grow beyond our courage ...
We know that we are doing the right thing, even if there are always various setbacks and not everything works out as planned. Nevertheless, it is first of all for me and all of us on the farm to recharge our batteries for what is still ahead of us. The dogs are doing well so far, even if there is sometimes a drought of warming blankets and clothing donations in winter. However, unfortunately this year we will not be able to give the dogs a vaccination other than the state vaccination due to lack of money.
We just need a little more than pure confidence to be able to do anything.
written July 9th | 2021
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